Love and Need, A Soliloquy

Love is, in fact an intensification of life, a completeness, a fullness, a wholeness of life...
We do not become fully human until we give ourselves to each other in love.*

That's what he said.
If only to live and breath in this love, I would, I have...
given morsels of myself away in ways that have left me incomplete and missing.
My wholeness full of holes.
My intellect challenged through the encounters--empty.
My integrity diminished from the commune with the counterfeit.
And yes, this mortal life, has been intense in the most severe of ways,
to become human with one's who have not touched into the deep of their own humanity.
Those ones who disregard the heart's bleed.
And when this one has run into shell upon shell of bodies,
climbing mere husk for skin hiding shriveled beings, and hardened hearts,
where does one such as self search for love? 
Because someone told me, I came into this world to love indeed.
And with this my soul is well, but for the but...
But my soul cries out still, with who and for when? 
The answer: from the within.
I look to the intensification and gratification and actualization
for this full, robust, transformative love from none other than my within.
To encounter, respond and commune with myself.
Until...unison.
Because despite the full bloom within,
I still seek to water the bud in another...

erm...It is Well

*He who said is Thomas Merton

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Permission to Launch

If you are reading this, it is because I have finally given myself permission to succeed. 
I have been birthing and nursing this site for almost three weeks. Every week I claim intently, I'm ready to launch! But right beside the claim, creeps in doubt and I get distracted with thoughts of what are YOU going to think when you see this place.  What will you say when I let you into my secret space? So I rearranged it a few too many times trying to anticipate your reaction to my flowers, my words, my design, my endeavors...Tonight I let go. 

To be completely transparent, I attempted to build this site almost one year ago. At that time, I found the process to be too complicated for my simple mind and I abandoned it. I told myself I would find someone to create and design a site for me. I shopped around for a while but never committed to any prospects and held on to my excuses.

But a very interesting phenomenon unfolded for me while procrastinating (yea I do that too). I discovered, desperation can lead to tremendous creativity.  And after attending one, two, five book events, I realized I no longer had the luxury of not having a cyber space. So every day, from midnight to the wee hours of the morning, I worked at setting up shop. Why my creativity chooses to flow free at night--I can't explain. But this here--is the product of diligence and sleepless nights. And if I do say so myself, it is worth it!

Let me add, if there is something you are working on, a vision or project you are birthing, an idea you are stagnating in procrastination, get desperate about it--and watch how your inner know-how leaps into action. Tap into your creativity. Tap into your determination. Sit patiently in the stir of your inspiration...and taste and see what boils over. It will be worth it!

But as for here and now, thank you for reading me. Please peruse the place. Take your time. After all, I did create the place with you in mind. Before you leave, share your thoughts. I'd like to know how the experience is for you. 

erm...It is Well

Journey of the Journal: on writing my memoir

"I've been journaling for many years; documenting my fleeting moments of bliss, uncertainty, angst, emptiness, love--my infinite totality. My prayers, my prose, my urgent napkin poems--I have mastered the art of recording the minutes of my life."

And one day, I decided I would share the message from the mess I've lived through. It's been a slow, painfully rewarding process. Some moments I really liked who I was, and other moments, I despised me. Some moments I didn't even recognize me. There were moments I questioned how would it feel for someone to read me. Would they see themselves through me? Would they relate to me or I to them? All these pensive moments, lost in my head, caught up in my heart, to finally get to this moment--where I am bold enough to give it away. 
I'm giving my journal away to all who want to read it. 
That is the foundation of this book.